a thousand thoughts
by S.N. Rainsworth
Summary: "I'm used to being hated." / Renzou and Rin's conversation goes on for a little longer, and Rin reveals a part of him that no one could ever imagine. Renzou thinks that somehow, Rin is more than what he seems, but he's also like the rest of them. Gen.


**a thousand thoughts  
><strong>[_"I'm used to being hated."_]_**  
><strong>_

.

_._

_"And you be way too uncool," shrugged Rin. Renzou's eye twitched; "The hell you doin' speaking Kansai-ben?" _

A small silence enshrouded them as the last of Rin's chuckles faded away. Renzou got the chance to really look at the half-demon; dark hair that fell over ice-like blue eyes, a mouth that had razor-sharp teeth and pointed ears that stuck out the side of his head. Other than that, he didn't seem really different from any other teenage guy he had ever seen. When Rin first came into the Academy, no one expected him to be the son of Satan. After all, he was just loud, brash, violent and reckless - traits that were familiar to Renzou.

But it was painfully obvious that this was the same guy that ate breakfast with them all those times, pushed the cart that held the lantern to get them over the bridge, who carried the desks by himself over to the side of the classroom when they needed to do something, who quieted a leper and taught Bon a lesson, who lived like them. Except he also wasn't. Now, it seemed as though every single one of Rin's smiles were fake; filled with desperation that flashed in his eyes. Renzou didn't want to know if it was their fault that those eyes kept crying out '_help me_' while his mouth said '_I'm fine_'. He was afraid of the answer.

Right now, Rin wouldn't look at him. He was staring at his half-eaten bento, apparently mulling over something. Renzou's mind couldn't help but go back to a moment a few minutes before, when both Bon and Koneko had blown him off just because - well, just because of the past and because of who they thought Rin was. Renzou couldn't help but think that Rin was so obviously a human as well, but he was being treated more like a demon.

"You know, I thought this time it would be different." Renzou's eyes trailed up to the fifteen-year-old, who was sitting with a laid back, and if Renzou was going in depth, defeated pose against the tree behind him. Blue eyes filled with a foreign emotion. "I really thought it would be. But you know what? It's just the same."

Slightly hesitant, he asked, "What is?"

Rin's head snapped up with wide eyes, apple-red cheeks visible; he didn't think Renzou heard. Still, the pink-haired one repeated, "What is?"

He stared at Renzou for a while, then started again. "This school." He took a break to chuckle bitterly. "I actually thought that I might..." An elongated sigh. Renzou allowed him to get it all out. "When I was a kid, I was known as the 'demon child'. Ironic, really. Back then, I had no idea who I was. I just knew that whenever I got mad, things got horrible; desks flying, windows shattering. No one wanted to be around me, even though I took control of it pretty well. The only...friend I ever had was Yukio and Father." Renzou didn't feel like he was talking about his _real _father.

When Rin spoke again, his tone was filled with something more than despise. "And look - I've lost my brother too. Do you know what he told me? _You should just die._ Haha. Yukio, crybaby Yukio, who was always getting teased of because he liked to play with flowers and read books instead of destroying toy cars, told me that." A slightly loathing smile. "My Father - no, not the real one - died because of me. He died _protecting _me. And I..." He looked up toward the sky, dark as ink. Renzou, slightly enchanted by his words, looked up as well. He was listening raptly and didn't notice when he did so.

"...I'm just the bastard who'll have to always walk alone."

Anger. Hate directed at himself. Resentment. Despise. Bitterness. Regret. Broken. Lonely. That was what Renzou heard in him, all bottled up and not letting out anytime soon. It just came to the pink-haired male; maybe Rin wasn't just reckless and violent because that was what he was, but because it was all just a show. And right now, it seemed like the show was on a slight intermission; tomorrow, he would be back to brash Rin. Stupid Rin. Rin, the son of Satan.

But right now, it seemed like he was just another half-demon, shunned by the rest of the world just because he was something that he didn't choose to be.

"Don't you feel..." Rin looked at him while he struggled to find the words. "...angry about it? How everyone.."_ treats you like a beast._ He didn't say the last part aloud, but he was sure that Rin heard anyways. Rin gave him a shaky smile.

"I'm used to being hated," he said softly, almost like it was familiar to his lips. "Used to being alone. I'll be fine." He stood up and took his bento, closing it gently while Renzou didn't say a word, staring at him. Rin threw it out in a nearby trash can (five feet away) and turned back to Renzou, who still hadn't gotten up.

"Thanks for listening," he said somberly. "I don't expect you to really make something out of it, though. Good night."

And while he walked back to the house, Renzou couldn't help but notice how lonely he seemed, with his hunched shoulders and icy blue eyes looking toward the sky for something that he always wanted, but never was able to fully grasp.

.

* * *

><p><em>Honestly, how can you <em>not _feel bad for Rin? He's my favorite character out of ANEX. It just seems that he has all these pent up feelings, you know? I can't imagine him keeping it bottled up for long. Scene in Kyoto where Renzou thinks that everyone treating Rin like he's trash is absurd and goes and talks to the guy. Seriously, he just earned a bunch of points in my book for that. Along with Izumo for sitting next to Rin during the bus ride. _


End file.
